affirmations

this morning once again

you began by disappointing yourself.

slept till 11

on your phone till 1,

and so… the berating.

first,

your body,

its repulsion

& inhuman shape,

the way you are but slough

& lack any muscle definition

you are acceptable only if you hold your stomach in,

never stop.

strangers tear from you,

do not leave the house, you’ll upset the children.

“how brave of her,” they’ll say as you drag your impossible body down the street,

“to carry on anyhow, to not kill herself.”

on to your face.

you unrecognizable,

steroidic frog.

one soggy saggy eyelid over your bulging eyes,

a bloated picasso.

your nose is a ballsack

suffocated between jowls

you bulldog you,

your sunken cheeks

& puddles of red always beneath your eyes,

who died beneath them,

was it you?

what are you?

have you ever seen anything so

unbelonging?

you are impossible to make sense of.

you are also

an idiot

who knows nothing of anything

an expert of nothing

a teacher of shit

capable only of good head and listening

stay quiet, protect your stupidity.

you are 28 and babysitting part time

a writer who doesn’t write

who has read nothing,

an incapable, incompetent human.

who would want this?

not us, certainly not us.

you have to be fucking tired of this,

aren’t you tired of this?

aren’t you tired of this bully,

you bully.